the initial breach

authors note: neither truth nor relevant. an excercise in thought.


dearest,

i know it will shock you, but i'm a hypocrite.

the realization came to me in a sullen fit of despair and gloom; directly followed by another shot from a half empty bottle.
you know they say this stuff is poison, but i'm not familiar with any other type of poison that brings one to a state of such honesty, brutality, and, quite frankly, terror. at least we know that such a defintion fails by analogy.

anyway, back to my epiphany; i have found the deepest sort of hypocrisy residing within myself, partially hidden and fully disguised. it's right where you said it would be my love.

such a standard discovery, in so standard a spot

.

well, it's high time i come clean about it.

my admonition: the entirety of my character, essence, personality, karma, (insert ambiguos term for one's inner-self here) have been a culmination. yes dear, a culmination . . . you know, a collection, catalog, group, etc. and, moreover, culminated for a very specific and deadly purpose.

at this point your author will "spill the beans" on his devious plan:

i want to move.

i know it's sudden, although expected, but i believe it is neccesary. there's no use in arguing about it, nor is there any gain in sending a reply to this letter. so i will explain, with some brevity, my plan.

i will finish my degree, most likely in some form of summer school to wrap up loose ends, then i will take my leave. simple isn't it?

where will i go? it doesn't really matter. ive got the skills and materials neccesary to start up anywhere. all the location will prove is a standard of living dependent upon my income and rent.

so, yeah, that's it. i know you'll be shocked when you recieve this so i suppose i'll give some sort of explanation. the truth is, i haven't felt much like i've belonged for the longest time. it's grown to be irksome because i've made wonderful friends (although none can be more than that, either by sex or circumstance) and they will be missed dearly.

(end letter)

Begin B
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wait . . . this hypocrisy is some form of dissasociation, this is neither essential nor founded. i love too many here, but i'm afraid i can't even bear to look at myself any longer.

the truth is, things cannot feel right without my own peace. and i'm not quite sure i've ever felt it; except of course, with her. but you know how memories play tricks.

scratch that. all memories are merely tricks, at least to some extent or another.

(rage) . . . (rampage) . . . (rape) . . . (gama) . . . (rpg)

ah h, the re it goe s again. dissas ociation.
m ore mem ories.

(take) (away) (what) (you) (must)

dissasociation.

sincerely,
(B?N)