disconnected/vulgar preachings

the idealists hold that every facet of the world is, at the very least, influenced, if not controlled by the mind. the realists suggest that things exist outside of human perception. the idealists claim that nothing about the object gives off a dispositional property that could be cited as distinguishable from the sense used in recieving the properties of the object.

sometimes, when i try to sleep, my room looks different than it has ever looked before. thats not saying that it looks different in a similar way, but that it looks different, uniquely, each time. . . sometimes. sometimes my abstract notion of time, space, reality, myself, and those things which are not myself change their face, omit any notion of permanence . . . become spectral and fleeting. like waking up in a room with a person you know nothing about.

physics suggests that the nature of the components that make up human life will never allow us to actually touch. the seperation between the parts of atoms and the charges that they hold will repell any merging of one atom to another. in essence, we bounce- everywhere, we push or we retreat. we do not touch.

my senses are my avenues to you. but just like an avenue in some city, mine is unique. it doesn't fit the one next to it, nor does it meet any standard of what an avenue is always supposed to be. touch,sight,smell, sound, taste all vary, all give vague referential descriptions to something very concise.

in truth, theres not too much more to say about the disconnectedness that charecterizes everything around.

i suppose the very nature of such thoughts calls out for some redeeming force (enter god, karma, buddha, faith) and i suppose that one can't be blamed for wanting more out of the relationships they create.

but still, there is something to be said for reality, authenticity and the practical sense that arises when one's view is clear. we exist completely apart, never being able to know anything but the verbal or written thoughts of others. we see only shells and causes upon dispositions upon causes. but there is truth in a connectedness that fulfills a level of connection completely unique and real. we need not dillude ourselves any further. theres no more explaining to be done.

we are connected by our very lack of direction. the innate questioning and fearfulness and wonderment at the human condition surpasses the bullshit that is created by irrelevant mythos that are substituted for reality in order to make one feel more at peace. we are peace, just as much as we are war. we are an indictment upon ourselves, we are our own disease, our own cure. we are both nothing and everything. and we suffer simultaneously.

Doestoevsky had it right when critiquing the notion of christianity by saying that even if god exists, if the time on earth is a test of our will and love of christ, even if all the earth's trials were part of the test then he still rejected the idea, simply because the means could not justify the ends.

there is no further good than the good we create. there is no further hope. though the alternatives of faith, longevity, and immortality may be convincing they are but a cheap trick of insecurity. release the fear of death and begin the bravery of life, without the prohibition and condemnation of dogmatic, oversimplified systems.